Homesickness is My New Travel Companion
I’ve been battling homesickness now for close to 3 weeks. It started in Spain like a light tap on the shoulder. Once I landed in Morocco, it was a full-on contact sport shove, complete with intense sadness and lots of ugly crying. You know, the kind with big fat tears, snot, and puffy eyes.
I couldn’t seem to shake these feelings. It’s like a stickiness that I can’t wash off. Adding insult to injury, my feelings were reinforced by a deep sense of shame. After all, these feelings are reserved for the 10-year-old Gina heading to her first sleepover camp, or the 18-year-old Gina moving into her first college dorm. Not the 50-year-old who made this mindful decision to invert her life and live like a nomad. I just needed to “Embrace the Suck” and deal.
After all, here I sat in Morocco, a remarkably beautiful, and exotic country. No traditional life stressors, work, bills, meetings, or parental responsibilities. Just me and Stephen, working a few hours a day at permaculture/animal sanctuary outside of Marrakech.
I get to live a travel life that many only dream about. Untethered, I have the freedom to move from place to place, explore different cultures, eat foods from all parts of the world, wake up slowly, and learn how to be intentional about my days. It’s a good life, a curious life. So why did I want to pack up my things and jet back home?
When I typically find myself stuck, I try to find a deeper understanding of it. I needed to rationalize if these feelings are just me being weak or are these universal feelings that other travelers have experienced? So, I turned to my fellow travel writers on Medium and was relieved to find dozens of articles written over the years by others before me who experienced homesickness. Their words offered great comfort and an opportunity to reframe my understanding of adult homesickness.
Here’s what I learned. Homesickness is caused by the brain’s desire for routines and attachment.
“Homesickness is really about the transition: between two worlds — they are displaced — for the moment. They are anxious not just about leaving the familiar but facing the great unknown.” Tamar Chansky, Psychology Today
Of course! I had been desperate for structure and routine for months. I craved knowing what my days would be like day to day. A predictable schedule, an understanding of my world, the language, a tribe of people I can lean on when things get tough. All these were left back home. So that’s what I was homesick for? The illusion of certainty.
I really didn’t want to go back. Yes, I miss my family and friends and it would be nice to wake on Saturday mornings to make bacon, eggs, toast, and coffee while listening to Yacht Rock music. But I wasn’t ready to let go of this new life. It’s too soon. When I realized this isn’t an issue of weakness but in fact a common human behavior built around the idea of connection, attachment, and routine, it made the feelings more bearable.
Homesickness is a necessary process we all go through when we make the decision to change our lives and leave behind the familiar for uncharted waters. It’s like a travel companion walking side by side with you as you explore the unknown. It’s one of life’s growing pains that we have to experience. You can’t wish it away. It’s always present as a reminder that when we test ourselves and move out of our comfort zone, we want to escape to what feels safe and familiar.
So, yes, I am homesick, and I am not ashamed to admit it. I miss my family, I long for Pumpkin Lattes and hikes through the Colorado mountains, feeling the crisp fall air and the crunch of leaves under my feet. But I am also grateful for this window in my life where I can sit and write under a 100-year-old tree in North Africa, listen to the different languages of French, Berber, and Arabic, eat traditional Cous Cous and be a witness to how big our world is and know that I am not ready to be home yet. Both feelings can co-exist together and it’s okay!
